…in numberless ways

I have loved you in numberless ways
each one of which seems the sweetest song
haunting me in the silence of my lonely nights
it has always been you, the same song still haunting
I have lost you in countless ways
each one of which seems the darkest loss
marking the hours of misery, a slow ticking clock
I have been lost so many times
not wanting to be found
I have found you in infinite oceans
each one of which seems the deepest domain
carrying me away into its endless depths
I have been found over and over
aching to be lost in my dreams
I find you and lose you
and I find you again in endless repetition
each finding, each loss
more lovely than the last, an affirmation
I am lost in the finding and found in the losing
it has always been you
and it has always been me
and together is the only way
we will ever be free
© Ann Bagnall