…of all my broken parts

The slow rivers of loss, its waters almost still
quietly whispering through the frozen terrain of my soul
carrying the weight of all that was and all that can never return
I am drowning in my sorrow
my heart bearing the fragments of all my broken parts
waiting to find a place, to finally lay them to rest
I abandon them here in this desolate place
where even the wind feels alone
the petals are trembling with the promise blooming
unaware of the brevity of the moment
the loneliness that follows
when all that you were, all that you are
can disappear in a second
the seas of sorrow are black, under the cold moonless sky
where I stand here asking why
and each night, between waking and the dark folds of sleep
there is a corridor, I walk along, bare-footed, half-aware
carrying the dreams of the past in my trembling hands
flickers of long-ago moments that I am aching to release
I open my palms and let the light spill
where I think it might fade, like the dying embers of us
but like unseen ghosts they resist, whispering in refusal
old fears, old desires, mist rising like old spirits
my heart carrying the weight of centuries
something is stirring, murmurs of memories
shadows shifting, a sigh from another lifetime
and then the petals are falling again, deep pink, soft as wishes
caught in a strange wind that does not belong to the waking world
they spin, they shimmer and vanish into the darkness
as though returning to the source of all forgotten things
in the silence that follows
I feel the insistent pull of the threads of haunting
a tether from the past that winds itself around my heart
I remember the look in your eyes
the liquid caress of tears and the long shadows
that disguised the lies
the line between sea and sky
the lingering fragments of my hesitation
blithely strewn like abandoned petals upon the wings of fate
and like me, the moon weeps for all it cannot hold
and the night falls softly
I am still walking on fragments of glass
my feet bleeding, but my heart, is finally set free
© Ann Bagnall