…for my own reflection

I try not to think about you
about how your touch awakened the deepest needs
feelings that I had lived a lifetime without
I try not to remember how you transformed me
the stranger I became in the awakening
lost to myself, not just in the moment
but lost, forever lost
like the Maya were lost to mysterious forces
forever lost, like Thonis was lost beneath the waves
not lost, as I was before you
but an unanticipated loss
a complete abandonment of myself
lines crossed, covenants broken
no looking back, lost in the finding, released in the binding
a ghost of myself lingering in the shadows of the mirror
and searching for my own reflection
but it is always your face that looks back at me
calling to me, a siren song and I cannot look away
for you are the colours in my darkest days
the flames that call me home
the whispers that wake me in the night
you are every thread of thought
everything and nothing
you linger in my dreams, like violets linger in shadows
my soul is aching, endlessly searching for you
you are never mine completely
but my love you do complete me
© Ann Bagnall