…in my misery

Time has taken you away from me
and now we are both alone
abandoned on the dark shores
of regret and lingering memories
I never left you, you never left me
yet here we are, oceans apart
as if nothing was ever amiss
aimlessly drifting to nowhere again
dark days now religiously followed
by strangely evanescent nights
floating in the abyss of grief

what brought us together
all those many years ago
still remains a mystery to me
but what took us apart
was a sorrowful soliloquy
me alone, speaking to you in the dark
hoping my words would reach you
and you, lost somewhere out there
in the endless ethers of time
seemingly oblivious to me

I try not to constantly ponder
the possible explanations
for they would just be fantasy
I try not to allow my imagination
to turn into anger and pain
for no answers can heal my wounds
I live my life now in shifting shades
back and forth, between then and now
trying to subdue my restlessness
by reclaiming my inner peace

I know that I cannot pursue
the constant uncertainty
of the shifting shades of you
you love me, you love me not
but I will not ever become
a stereotype, a woman wronged
for the love in my soul is real
and will follow me to my grave
but I will never be lonely or pitied
I will never give up on me

I will fake it till I make it
and ever content in my misery
will happily while the hours away
for every season ends and returns
over and over again
winter brings cold winds
autumn leaves fall in desolation
spring returns the blooming
summer returns the light
in my heart our memories linger
and in the beauty of transience I grow
© Ann Bagnall