…drifted slowly

We used to whisper softly
to each other, I to you, you to I
across the endless dark expanse
between the ocean and the sky
between the truth and the lies
there were nights when my soul
sat heavily in the hollow of my chest
begging to be set free
from that sweet captivity
our trembling whispers drifted
slowly like smoke after a fire
lost at the edges of darkness
saying nothing at all
and everything all at once
and in the ensuing silence
a quiet despair rippled through me
through my heart, my veins
taking up permanent residence

it settled into the marrow
of my crumbling bones
I had been living my life
in a long stark winter storm
no-one heard it, not even me
but my heart was already broken
and I started to understand
that the silence had weight
a density and a presence
breathing an unspoken truth
that I didn’t want to hear
it is all now a distant memory
but it keeps rising from its grave
it is the ghost of all my hopes
that treads ever so carefully
through my new existence
it is the echo of a different life
that I once almost lived

it keeps knocking on the door
from the other side of reality
and here in the darkness
I feel it leaning into me
just as the leaves whisper
before descending into darkness
or the last fragrant whispers
of flowers left on a grave
to wilt and fade in desolation
the whispers of unfulfilled dreams
still cannot be silenced
the despair and the longing
the endless ache in my heart
can never ever be healed
and although I close my eyes
it still whispers in my ear
and in the moment I know
it’s not done with me yet
© Ann Bagnall