…I fall

Do you remember when we made constellations
from dreams and desires?
here without you, with only loneliness for company
I am unanchored, drifting in the emptiness
with nothing left to grasp
yet longing still holds me close
and your echoes whisper to me in the silence of the night
and ripple deep in my heart, butterfly
soft memories still endlessly circling
in the fragrant ethers of time
your now distant heart is forever entwined with mine
but now my dreams are mine alone
not born of regrets or the heavy weight of loss
there is no threshold that must be crossed
there is no wind, no sound no soft shifting veils
I hold my pain inside of me as if it is a part of you
and to let it go would mean losing you again in an ocean of grief
that has seemingly endless depths
I know that this place of sorrow has become my home
in my imagination, drifting here in the quiet waters of memories
is keeping me standing, when in reality I need to fall, in order to heal
in a brief moment of clarity, I understand the assignment
all that I have loved, all that I have lost, has led me to here
and I desperately need to fall, so I can pick myself back up
so alone in the darkness I finally let myself go
and into the deep silence I fall and I fall and I keep falling
all the while, remembering how it felt and where we were
when we made constellations from dreams and desires
and in the falling, I feel a strange release
as my grief begins shifting from deadly storms
to finally, a quiet place of peace
© Ann Bagnall