…I fall

Do you remember
when we made constellations
from dreams and desires?
here without you
with only loneliness for company
I am unanchored
drifting in the emptiness
with nothing left to grasp
yet longing still holds me close
and your echoes whisper to me
in the silence of the night
and ripple deep in my heart
butterfly soft memories
still endlessly circling
in the fragrant ethers of time

your now distant heart
is forever entwined with mine
but now my dreams are mine alone
not born of regrets
or the heavy weight of loss
there is no threshold
that must be crossed
there is no wind, no sound
no soft shifting veils
I hold my pain inside of me
as if it is a part of you
and to let it go
would mean losing you again
in an ocean of grief
that has seemingly endless depths

I know that this place of sorrow
has become my home
in my imagination, drifting here
in the quiet waters of memories
is keeping me standing
when in reality
I need to fall, in order to heal
in a brief moment of clarity
I understand the assignment
all that I have loved
all that I have lost
has led me to here
and I desperately need to fall
so I can pick myself back up

so alone in the darkness
I finally let myself go
and into the deep silence I fall
and I fall
and I keep falling
all the while, remembering
how it felt, where we were
when we made constellations
from dreams and desires
and in the falling
I feel a strange release
as my grief begins shifting
from deadly storms
to finally, a quiet place of peace
© Ann Bagnall