…circling in my still waters

I hear the sound of bells pealing
circling in the realms of darkness
it signals to me
that the midnight hour
has now begun
but the bells are so distant
that I cannot tell
if the sound comes from faraway
or somewhere even closer
just as it seems that the fog
is circling me here
and the grey is closing in
yet the horizon, is ever clear
a puzzling dichotomy

I am standing upon a deck
in the middle of nowhere
unsure if I am on a sinking ship
or if this is my destination
and disembarkation
is nothing to fear
constantly drifting
by definition, I am moving
weightless and free
like the butterflies
directionless, that circle me
or the slow drifting clouds
in a gentle, fragrant breeze

where I am headed
is unclear to me
but this drifting
this endless, slow drifting
has me shifting, back and forth
in the trembling shadows
wings of darkness
wings of light
stark against the sky
in endless circles of flight
constantly transitioning
between unknown places
and unseen faces

the clouds obscure the stars
and unable to plot a course
I cannot find my way
losing my place in reality
my scattered thoughts
are mindless pirouettes
lost in a wilderness
in the unconquerable sorrow
of the weeping silence
and still I am drifting
far away, so far away
from the shallow waters
where I last found peace

I am now the passing breeze
searching in the bare branches
of trembling winter trees
for a way out of this forest
for the answers
to my unasked questions
for a way to break these chains
to quiet these mindless
flights of fancy
my unspoken longings

in the absence of answers
I am surrounded by echoes
an endless repeating song
of the cold voiceless abyss
and I am drifting again
circling in my still waters
where pain finds its own level
leaving no trace of me
© Ann Bagnall