…in my mind

The many mirrors in my mind hold unexplored reflections
and echoes of unremembered tragedies
now buried deep inside of me
deeper than the dragons that inhabit the darkest seas
they line the walls of my broken heart
and cling to the slippery surfaces of my weeping soul
there is nowhere that they do not reside
holding my shadows and my symphonies
my oceans of loss, my shame and my pain
my silence and my songs, all the things for which I long
despite that time has taken them
in the present, they linger undefined
a constant whispering in the darkness
like wind through the leaves or the lightest rain
their voices, ethereal and distant, unable to be grasped
just as the ragged edges of dreams
feel close enough to touch
yet dissolve into the ethers of the night
without provocation
these mirrors of mine, as cold and as distant as winter
evade my efforts to reveal them
will not allow me to look into their depths
to retrieve the parts of me that shelter there
they shift and shatter, strategically reflect, one upon the other
creating a maze of unrelenting emptiness
they reflect my darkness back to me
from their deep wells of empathy
for they are my guardians, they protect me from me
the sentries that hold my walls, the walls of my castle
carefully constructed over many lifetimes
to contain the things that once broke me
the unreachable things, that even in their absence
can bring me to my knees
those unspoken, unremembered, unthinkable things
that still call to me from their exile
seeking more than I can ever give
my mirrors, shining or shadowed
clear or marred by broken pieces
that reflect the world in undecipherable codes
and abstract images that cannot be interpreted or understood
my constant mirrors, their ever-shifting visages
reflect only what I can bear to see
and the rest they corral, into the deepest parts of me
their captivity only temporary
for as I am healing, one by one we set them free
© Ann Bagnall