…to vanity

I stand before the mirror in the soft light of morning
it’s placement ensuring that I inevitably meet my own reflection
there is no escaping it, and as always, I sigh
a deep breath, in and out
my silent thoughts becoming quiet whispers
for I was once told that all mirrors
are the the doors to vanity
that they will only reflect the depths of my pride
and that only an empty vessel engages in such foolery
but is is vanity
to care for yourself?
or is it survival?
in a world filled with judgement and hate
is it vanity
to love ones’ self?
in a world where people
you don’t even know
mock and judge you
for no reason at all?
each day I seek a private moment
between myself and my own reflection
no filters, no expectations
just a quiet interlude of pure, honest intimacy
and as I reach for my golden years
there will be no hush of dust falling upon my mirror
just as there will be no dust falling upon me
I will watch myself through every phase of my beautiful life
and yes, I will do soin the softest of light
never forgetting that every mirror
has dark unseen depths that hungers for our gaze
I will never forget that to swim in those depths
is the pathway to vanity where we will only find
a shadow of ourselves
and smoke and mirrors will become our reality
a pathway to insanity the heavy weight of wanting to matter
like endlessly chasing an errant wind as time devours everything
and I know that slowly the dust of all my dreams
will eventually float effortlessly down
into the shimmering depths of the looking glass
and it is then that I will see the reality of me
in one last glance at the past
and I will slowly step into my own reflection
and finally fully embrace
the beautiful reality of my own true self
© Ann Bagnall