…to be empty

I once ached to be empty
empty of the memories, empty of the pain
empty as a starless night
until I can no longer feel anything
anything but the emptiness that fills the hollow spaces
where my heart and my soul should be found
how I longed to silence the voices within
to clear them of all that remains of you
the ashes of us constantly shifting in the winds of time
unrelenting and ageless they stalk me
but time has shown me that my heart and soul
these sacred places cannot abide empty space
and they secretly store all that remains
the remnants of memories
familiar images and sounds
that reverberate deep within my core
their presence is strange, both familiar and unfamiliar
cloaked in the dust and the shadows of forgotten dreams
lingering uninvited, weightless and silent
yet their burden still falls on me
and in the darkness their songs circle me like prey
I look away and close my eyes
cover my ears with my trembling hands
but every concept of emptiness that I ever entertained
is rendered void within this void within me
for emptiness fills me, teeming with infinite recollections
communicated a thousand ways
a familiar fragrance, the caress of the wind
the majestic beauty of moonlight
the songs of the ocean and the weeping of the rain
such simple things that fill me again
even pictures of you despite the reminder of pain
I look for them over and over again
raking through the ashes, the precious ashes
searching for an ember, aching for even a flickering flame
the slightest sliver of light,and for precious moments
all that has been lost is once again found
lingering just long enough to remind me
that destiny is never written in the stars
for it is rising from the deep like the songs of lost souls
and I feel the winds of change deep within my bones
as emptiness fills me to overflowing
© Ann Bagnall