…to be empty

I once ached to be empty
empty of the memories
empty of the pain
empty as a starless night
until I can no longer feel anything
anything but the emptiness
that fills the hollow spaces
where my heart and my soul
should be found

how I longed
to silence the voices within
to clear them
of all that remains of you
the ashes of us
constantly shifting
in the winds of time
unrelenting and ageless
they stalk me

but time has shown me
that my heart and soul
these sacred places
cannot abide empty space
and they secretly store
all that remains
the remnants of memories
familiar images and sounds
that reverberate
deep within my core

their presence is strange
both familiar and unfamiliar
cloaked in the dust
and the shadows
of forgotten dreams
lingering uninvited
weightless and silent
yet their burden still falls on me
and in the darkness
their songs circle me like prey

I look away
and close my eyes
cover my ears
with my trembling hands
but every concept of emptiness
that I ever entertained
is rendered void
within this void
within me
for emptiness fills me

teeming with infinite recollections
communicated a thousand ways
a familiar fragrance
the caress of the wind
the majestic beauty of moonlight
the songs of the ocean
and the weeping of the rain
such simple things
that fill me again

even pictures of you
despite the reminder of pain
I look for them
over and over again
raking through the ashes
the precious ashes
searching for an ember
aching for even a flickering flame
the slightest sliver of light

and for precious moments
all that has been lost
is once again found
lingering just long enough
to remind me
that destiny
is never written in the stars

for it is rising from the deep
like the songs of lost souls
and I feel the winds of change
deep within my bones
as emptiness fills me
to overflowing
© Ann Bagnall