…still to cross

I built a place, a place of stone
I built it high with fragments of my soul
that place and I grew steadfast friends
and day by day, I toiled to build the walls that kept me in
in that place I ran from me
and so each day, page by page I rewrote my history
the wind shook the canopy
but the rain was far beneath me
clouds rested, trembling on treetops
like butterflies of memories
that spread their wings and sailed away
upon the rippled seas of night
always swallowed by the rising tides of morning
sometimes in the dark
I dreamed fragments of my dreams
the ones I left behind
or un-chased, since flown away
drifting by me as I slept
each floated separately
pretty bubbles on the breeze
always, just out of my reach
you were the whispers on the wind
my sad reflections the source of many tears
just fragments and scattered pieces
from a time long vanished into the distant blue
floating at the end of silken threads
in the tangled corridors of my darkness
a snow of rose petals
melted away under the stars
as the night brought me soft songs
and flashes of memories
shadows sighed in unseen places
and I caught glimpses of you
mere fragments, falling away
melting gently, into the dawning
I became the yellow leaves
tumbling earthbound from barren branches
yearning to be carried away into dawns’ red sky
floating silently downwards
as memories of you, drifted
through the tapestry of my soul
distant music, unbidden
haunted all of my hours
songs, achingly soft and beautiful
like rain or fragrant blossoms
slipped through my fingers
yet still lingered in my broken heart
I drifted like a lonely sky upon a still ocean
forever azure beyond the night
over the rain and above the sea
my soft trailing winds, fading with me
behind it all, in silver indifference
like midnight, you were blazing
opaque and ever silent
the moon rose through the clouds
just ragged threads of yesterday
torn from the winds of time
and as fragile as a flame
but in the moonless dark of my soul
your heart echoed in a place hidden from all
for this was how we loved
always one bridge still to cross and oceans apart
an endless ache that deepened with time
forever lost in a dream
the stained-glass windows of the past
scattered in my heart
a dark sea, aching with your memory
between the light and shade
lay all the hidden things
I did not wish to see
the secrets I would never speak
they rose and flew away
and only the dust of memories remained
like mournful echoes upon the breeze
night approached in black velvet
and still love persisted
caught in the eddies of shoreless seas
there was a fragrance of familiarity
pieces of a broken mirror
moving together, taking shape
in the faceless tides of shadows
now any wind that blows has a trace of sadness
from such dreams, the night has fled on softly blue ice
drifting with destiny
I am still searching for that door
that door, that elusive door, out of reach, ever more
frail and fading
I am sailing gently upon the waves of night
falling away in graceful silence
forever lost in the endless stream
still searching for you, in dreams
© Ann Bagnall