…in my heart

In my eternal longing
I have been searching
yearning for the light
for a glimmer of hope
my heart belongs
only to you
for you hold a piece
of my soul
the fragment
that completes me

from dawn to dusk
and through the dark hours
in between
I am wandering through
the ruins of us
where all that remains
just broken walls
and open doors
the past crumbling
amidst the dust
and the debris

I sometimes find solace
in my shadowed dreams
where all is not
what it seems
and for brief intervals
of illusion
the storm inside of me
subsides
but in my heart
the rain still falls
drip
after drop
after drip
tapping out
a mournful melody
echoing
into the ethers
that surround me

I am sorrow unfurled
broken and bleeding
and still the drops fall
their abstract art
morphing before me
slowly becoming
reflections of my pain
memories swirling
in wild abandon
as the rain falls
inside my broken walls
it sings a soft refrain
as it drenches me
in sorrow

I close my eyes
and in my mind
I see your face
I call to you
above the beating rain
through an open door
in a broken wall
spinning around
I search the room
only to find you gone
unreachable
once more erased
from this desolate place

and in the moment
it finally comes to me
that in this dream
in this empty space
every wall that falls
opens a door to a memory
here, endless walls
will crumble and fall
as I sift through the remnants
of the aching past

but no dream
no wind or rain
will ever bring you
back to me
my broken walls
and my memories
are now just a place
a place I cannot erase
but where I can embrace
all that I ever lost
and for every wall
that falls apart
another door opens
in my heart
© Ann Bagnall