…you loved me not

In the ebb and flow of you and I
our love came and went like incoming waves
that were often gentle, rolling in like honey
spilled upon our shores
but the retreat was always brutal
roaring mountains of pain
dragging the sand from beneath my feet
mourning too has its seasons
and in my abject sorrow my reflections
were both dark and somehow beautiful
in the dark corners where the sunlight could not reach
I kept a secret realm of desolation
where silence reigned and reflection could not be ignored
a place where everything that ever haunted me
every regret, every lost dream, and every act of cruelty
finally came home to rest
in my introspection, in my long overdue reflections
the mirror revealed to me
all of the secrets that I had been keeping
I loved you, you loved me not
I was a puppet, a toy for you to bend and break
you took pieces of me that I can never retrieve
in this moment of truth the thin cracks in my heart
are now gaping caverns bleeding like slow rivers
into a welcoming sea, slowly carrying me back to me
and for the first time in what seems like an eternity
finally I feel that I am really free
© Ann Bagnall