Reflect My Darkness

The many mirrors
in my mind
hold unexplored reflections
and echoes
of unremembered tragedies
now buried
deep inside of me
deeper than the dragons
that inhabit the darkest seas

they line the walls
of my broken heart
and cling
to the slippery surfaces
of my weeping soul
there is nowhere
that they do not reside

holding my shadows
and my symphonies
my oceans of loss
my shame and my pain
my silence and my songs
all the things
for which I long

despite that time
has taken them
in the present
they linger undefined
a constant whispering
in the darkness
like wind through the leaves
or the lightest rain

their voices
ethereal and distant
unable to be grasped
just as the ragged edges
of dreams
feel close enough to touch
yet dissolve
into the ethers of the night
without provocation

these mirrors of mine
cold and distant
evade my efforts
to reveal them
will not allow me
to look into their depths
to retrieve the parts of me
that shelter there

they shift and shatter
strategically reflect
one upon the other
creating a maze
of unrelenting emptiness
they reflect my darkness
back to me
from their deep wells
of empathy

for they are my guardians
they protect me from me
the sentries
that hold my walls
the walls of my castle
carefully constructed
over many lifetimes
to contain the things
that once broke me

the unreachable things
that even in their absence
can bring me to my knees
those unspoken
unremembered
unthinkable things
that still call to me
from their exile
seeking more
than I can ever give

my mirrors
shining or shadowed
clear or marred
by broken pieces
that reflect the world
in undecipherable codes
and abstract images
that cannot be interpreted
or understood

my constant mirrors
their ever-shifting visages
reflect only
what I can bear to see
and the rest
they corral
into the deepest
parts of me
their captivity
only temporary
for as I am healing
one by one
we set them free

© Ann Bagnall