Erased so easily

No words were needed
I knew instinctively that day
that day that you looked away too soon
that brief fragment of time
barely a second
it felt it like a lightning strike out of the darkest night
in the absence of the storm its sting more mighty
the sharp edge of reality shaking me to my core
all in that moment
less than a breath
less than a blink
the tides in your eyes ebbing away
as the ocean between us grew greater with each passing day
Those tides were slowly pulling us apart
the sea rolled in wave after wave across the sand
retreating again and again
and with each return
and each retreat
it took away another part of us
dragging us out into deep waters
releasing us gently into the depths
where we glided from side to side
like leaves falling from a tree
unaware that the depths into which we fell
would be too far
too deep
breaking apart with just a whisper
one piece
one leaf
at a time
in a quiet hush
slowly
no rush
no fear
just silent surrender
as the hands of time gently caressed our broken parts
and laid them to rest in a place of peace
and the sea gently sang them to sleep
Yet once again I find myself sifting through the ashes of us
feeling the silken powder caress my fingers as it slips away again
but not before I have breathed it in
and reignited the flames deep inside of me
the flames that lead to nothing but pain
the flames that burned our love to the ground
and left me standing alone in the charred remains
Stroke by stroke you once painted the oceans of my heart
and filled the rivers of my soul
carving the secrets of love into my very flesh
the memory of your touch still shakes me like thunder
and waves of feelings come crashing in
drenching me in vivid recollections
your whispers long forgotten yet somehow lingering
Is this the price of loving you?
a life lived in rewind
with my ash soiled hands constantly reaching
for the flowers that ceased blooming long ago
unable to forget the scent of the rose or the wounds of the thorns
and my fingers
like my sorrowful heart
constantly bleeding
dripping into rivers now carved out by my pain
mingling with tears that are falling like rain
swirling around over sharpened stones
as I try to catch every scrap
afraid to lose even a fragment of you
My body has become a vessel of pain
despite my despair my empty hands and my broken heart
still seek your soul in the depths of darkness
and in the stars that sprinkle the night with the light of hope
and in the turning of the seasons where things fade and die
only to be reborn anew in time
But in the end I always return to the lightless places of my soul
where traces of you remain secreted away
in the darkest corners where only I can go
places where traces of you drift
like the fragrance of spring blossoms and the salt of the sea
where there is no line between life and death
and ashes are yet to be ashes
and where no wreaths drift on sorrowful oceans
and the past
for just a moment
holds me in its arms
and I can breathe
for what seems an eternity
Hearts drawn upon the sand with gathered twigs
initials entwined
for a brief window of time
the shells and flowers lovingly placed
now captured by the sea
traces of us can no longer be found
erased so easily
© Ann Bagnall