Drifting Again

Circling in my still waters

A bell peals from far away
so distant that I cannot tell
if it comes from somewhere near
or somewhere even closer
in the realms of darkness
just as it seems the fog is circling
and the grey is closing in
yet the horizon, is ever clear

I am standing on the deck
unsure if I am on a sinking ship
or if my destination is here
and disembarkation is nothing to fear
constantly drifting by definition
I am moving, weightless and free
like the butterflies, directionless
or the slow dancing clouds
in a gentle fragrant breeze

Where I am headed, is unclear to me
but this drifting, this drifting
has me shifting in the shadows
wings of darkness, wings of light
stark against the sky
in endless circles of flight
between unknown places
and unseen faces

The clouds obscure the stars
unable to plot a course
I cannot find my way
losing my place in reality
my thoughts are mindless pirouettes
lost in a wilderness
in the unconquerable sorrow
of the weeping silence
and still I am drifting far away
from the shallow waters
where I last found peace

I am now the passing breeze
searching in the bare branches
of trembling winter trees
for the way out of this forest
for the answers
to my unasked questions
for a way to break these chains
these, my mindless flights of fancy
my unspoken longings

In the absence of answers
I am surrounded by echoes
the endless repeating song
of the voiceless abyss
and I am drifting again
circling in my still waters
where pain finds its own level
leaving no trace of me

© Ann Bagnall

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